More Complications

This whole journey with Lyme and Ehrlichia never seems to end....The road to recovery and health is a windy twisty path full of obstacles along the way. 

On Sunday evening around 10pm all of a sudden I began to experience an intensely painful burning sensation throughout my entire abdomen.  I spent the entire night curled up in a little ball on the living room couch in a cold sweat completely overwhelmed by abdominal pain. 

My entire abdomen was so painful and tender I could not even put on a pair of jeans.  By 11am I was crying, which for me says a lot.  I can handle a lot of pain, and do handle an extreme amount on a daily basis, but this acute attack was more than even I could tolerate. 

I went to the closest emergency clinic seeking some sort of relief or answers.  For those of us with Lyme, it is NEVER fun going to a new doctor.  It is always a fear that when you tell the doctor you have Lyme and are in long term antibiotic therapy you will receive an entire lecture on how that doesn't work, your doctor is doing you more harm than good, etc....

After waiting in the ER clinic waiting room for over an hour laying on the floor (it was the only way I was somewhat comfortable), I finally was escorted to the exam rooms.  To my horror, I passed a doctor I recognized.  I went to this clinic a month ago for an EKG due to Lyme related heart palpitations.  This particular doctor is an older doctor and oh boy did he give me an earful about my Lyme treatment/diagnosis. 
I finally had to tell this doctor that either he gives me the EKG or I will just leave...

Anyway, you can imagine how distraught I was to see that sure enough, I get this doctor AGAIN.  Just my luck, right?  I started crying immediately...The nurse was so sweet, she assumed that I didn't want to see that doctor because he is male, but I really didn't want to see him because he was so cruel and dismissive when I was there just a month prior. 

I was too sick to go and wait anywhere else, so I agreed to see him but asked the nurse to tell the doctor to leave the Lyme issue alone and just treat my clinical symptoms.

He ended up being nice (thank you to the nurse for that) and gave me some anti-spasmodic medications just to get me through until yesterday. 

Yesterday I got an emergency appointment with my gastroenterologist.  He was concerned about the sudden acute onset of the extreme pain.  My abdomen also felt abnormally rigid and swollen upon palpation.  He ordered bloodwork and an abdominal CT scan which I just had today.

I will hear my CT results tomorrow and will share what I found out.  I am just hoping and praying that it is nothing.  If my CT is clean, then I know I can attribute yet another horrible symptom to this terrible and life altering disease.  If my CT shows something, it won't be Lyme, and I do NOT need another illness on top of the three I already am suffering from. 

One thing I can say about this is that I will never take my health for granted again.  Even something as simple as being able to walk around the house without being in pain would be a major luxury at this point in my life. 

I miss being able to go hiking and enjoy the outdoors.

I miss riding my horses and galloping freely across the beach, leaving beautiful hoofprints of freedom marked in the cool damp sand.

I miss the days of waking up early, excited to go work livestock and excited to learn in college, hungry for knowledge and new insight. 

I am a long way away from enjoying the activities I once loved.  But if I could just be able to sleep through the night without waking up with excruciating hip pain....if I could just clean the house without my hands swelling up...If i could just hold the telephone for more than five minutes without my hand cramping in pain...

There is so much we take for granted, but until it is all slipping away right before your eyes, you don't even acknowledge these small pleasures in life. 

For those of you with Lyme or other chronic disease following this blog, you know exactly how it feels to have your life stripped away from you, your passions become memories of better days, and your future is so unknown and scary that it steals your breath away.

For those of you that have your health, cherish it.  I know it sounds cliche, but it is a cliche for a reason!  If you have your health, you have everything.  Without your health, life widdles down to nothing in the blink of an eye.  Never take health for granted...You never know when you may lose it.