New Information

Well I saw my Lyme doctor yesterday and frankly am devastated by the results....


After suffering for the last few months and running what seemed like every test under the sun, I did finally receive some answers, though none of which I wanted to hear.


It turns out that not only am I fighting Lyme and two strains of Ehrlichia, but I also have Babesia, another tick borne disease.


I was tested for this months ago, but was not positive until now.  The tests are all titer tests (antibodies), so most likely my immune system wasn't producing significant antibodies to register on the blood work results until now.


After seeing how bruised up I am and discussing my bloodwork, which also showed significantly elevated Cortisol levels, my doctor is also concerned I have Carcinoid tumors.  These are benign tumors in the GIT that cause bruising and elevated stress responses which I suffer from.


Symptoms include bruising, elevated corticosteroids, flushing, hot flashes, sweating, heart palpitations, and digestive upset, ALL of which I experience.  I hope in a way that I have them.  They are a minor surgical fix and then you're "cured".


Knowing me and my luck, I will not have Carcinoids and all of these horrible symptoms I am suffering from are caused by the FOUR diseases I am fighting.


Not a single titer level went down for Lyme and the Ehrlichias.  I have not even started to beat any of this stuff.  I just feel like I have SUCH an incredibly uphill battle to fight.

I feel like I am trying to climb a mountain on a stationary bike...You work your ass off but don't get anywhere.


I am starting back up on antibiotics.  I will be taking Rifampin and Ketek.  The plan is to target the two Ehrlichias, then try to kill the Babesia, and then last but certainly not least, the Lyme disease itself.


I have a VERY long road ahead of me...most likely years....

It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that my life has to be put on hold.  I do the best I can with the dog training, and I do love it, but I feel like I am missing out on everything I ever wanted....


I miss school.  I miss learning.  I can't even bring myself to ready the Cal Poly magazines because it makes me cry.  I miss it all so much.  I miss the dynamic ever changing world of Animal Science.


  I miss being surrounded by friends, all of whom have similar interests and passions.  I want to be back in Grad school, or Vet school, or SOMETHING and utilizing my brain again.

I feel like it is rotting sometimes....like all of that hard work I did in college was all for nothing....I know its just a pessimistic way to think and I'll snap out of it, but tonight as I sit in bed unable to sleep, it is how I feel. 


I am at least thankful that I'm alive, and have the determination, courage, and mental strength to fight this and I really do hope I come out and beat this all one day. 



I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy...It strips you of all you're worth and just leaves you feeling like a broken egg shell. 


I'm lucky to have a wonderful support system around me, and for that I am forever grateful.  I love all of you very much and really do appreciate all of you in my life.   Hopefully one day there will be a positive post on this blog, but for now I will continue sharing the reality of my life with Lyme....



xoxo

Still Asking Questions and Still Looking for Answers

It has been almost a month since I have posted, and unfortunately not very much has changed.

I went in for a colonoscopy this past Friday, and the results are the same as the upper scope:  inflammation and redness. 

My digestive system looks and acts like I have IBS and Crohn's Disease even though I test negative for both.

It just looks like I have Lyme and the Ehrlichias, and they are wreaking havoc on my body on their own, without the "help" of a GIT disease.

I think the most frustrating and disappointing thing about all of this is that I have been off my antibiotics for over a month because we were concerned they were the cause of my issues, but they weren't.  So now I have been off the drugs that will kill what is making me this ill.

I go see my LLMD on the 28th, and I can't wait for a new game plan and some new ideas about what is going on. 

Lately my nerves have been going HAYWIRE and I am also covered in disturbing bruises with unknown origins.  My body feels like it is failing on me almost every day.  Sometimes I am almost surprised to wake up in the morning.

This is such a scary and mysterious disease.  It makes you feel like you have NO control over your body, your brain, your life....

I can only hope that I have the strength to push forward and carry on no matter what obstacles come in my way.  I don't have very much to say right now, I feel broken and beaten down by all of this. 

I will post again after my LLMD appointment, but for now I will leave you with these song lyrics by John Mayer.  Love you all.

Come out angels
Come out ghosts
Come out darkness
Bring everyone you know

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash

I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never left a name
The war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

No more suffering
No more pain
Never again

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's no where to run

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

So fight on (I won't give in)
Fight on everyone (I won't run)
Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

Fight on (I won't give in)
Fight on everyone (I won't run)
Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done