Still Asking Questions and Still Looking for Answers

It has been almost a month since I have posted, and unfortunately not very much has changed.

I went in for a colonoscopy this past Friday, and the results are the same as the upper scope:  inflammation and redness. 

My digestive system looks and acts like I have IBS and Crohn's Disease even though I test negative for both.

It just looks like I have Lyme and the Ehrlichias, and they are wreaking havoc on my body on their own, without the "help" of a GIT disease.

I think the most frustrating and disappointing thing about all of this is that I have been off my antibiotics for over a month because we were concerned they were the cause of my issues, but they weren't.  So now I have been off the drugs that will kill what is making me this ill.

I go see my LLMD on the 28th, and I can't wait for a new game plan and some new ideas about what is going on. 

Lately my nerves have been going HAYWIRE and I am also covered in disturbing bruises with unknown origins.  My body feels like it is failing on me almost every day.  Sometimes I am almost surprised to wake up in the morning.

This is such a scary and mysterious disease.  It makes you feel like you have NO control over your body, your brain, your life....

I can only hope that I have the strength to push forward and carry on no matter what obstacles come in my way.  I don't have very much to say right now, I feel broken and beaten down by all of this. 

I will post again after my LLMD appointment, but for now I will leave you with these song lyrics by John Mayer.  Love you all.

Come out angels
Come out ghosts
Come out darkness
Bring everyone you know

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash

I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never left a name
The war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

No more suffering
No more pain
Never again

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's no where to run

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

So fight on (I won't give in)
Fight on everyone (I won't run)
Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

Fight on (I won't give in)
Fight on everyone (I won't run)
Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done