I have mixed emotions about the initial results of my gastroscopy yesterday.
My gastroenterologist did not find any ulcers, which is great, however my stomach and duodenum (upper portion of the small intestine) look very irritated and inflamed. He is suspicious that the combination of strong anti-inflammatories and high doses of antibiotics are the cause of the acute attack that triggered this whole episode of events.
He took biopsy samples to send to the lab, and I will know the results of those within the next week or so.
I feel like I'm trapped by this finding. On one hand I NEED my pain medications just to get out of bed and my antibiotics are crucial, that goes without saying. What am I supposed to do if the same medications that are crucial to my recovery are contributing to further illness?
On top of everything else I have had a low grade fever for two days, and the doctors blew it off at the hospital. I was up all night breaking out in cold sweats and chills. I don't even have the energy to go see another doctor and figure it out...
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I just wish I could sink away and disappear.
I find myself slipping away. It gets harder and harder to hide the way I feel and put on a happy face.
I have been taking triple doses of over-the-counter sleeping medications in combination with the prescriptions from my doctor at 5 or 6pm, just so I can go to sleep and be unconscious. When I am asleep it is the only time I am not aware of how miserable I am and how much I miss who I used to be and the life I used to have.
Tonight I am teaching a "Pit Bull Education Seminar" to about 20-25 people. I have been planning this for over a month, and was so excited. Even something I am so passionate about feels like a chore, another time I have to wear the mask of normalcy and hide the way I feel inside.
I just wish there was a fast forward button in life. I wish I could be Snow White or Sleeping Beauty and just sleep peacefully waiting for better days to come.
Life is not a fairy tail. There are not always happy endings. Sometimes we push and push for what we want, we strive to reach our highest expectations for ourselves, but sometimes the hardest thing to accept in life is that we can't always have what we want. Reality can be hard to swallow.
"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears."
Hi meryl, sorry to hear about the mixed results. Are you heavy doses of probiotics right now? I'm assuming you must be given the abx protocols you've been following. I've found that probiotics and a very very strict healthy diet has helped me get past the stomach issues I was experiencing. I don't know much about your full regimen (all drugs, supplements, vitamins, diet, etc.) but if you want to reach out, just email me anytime.
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